This Aggression Will Not Stand

-Jeff Lebowski

They are more aggressive than our cop cars. Their garish, neon color makes our Black and Whites (plus red, white and blue) look like muted Cézanne’s. They have crossed the border, multiplied, and are crowding out our locals. Walls won’t stop them. They use up our precious resources, choking everything in their path. I’m talking of course about mustard. We’ve been colonized by Black Mustard. The gift from Spain that keeps on giving. Planted by Jesuits in order to trace their path from Mission to Mission. Now it threatens to overrun Orange County, an anachronism if there ever was one. We should change our name to Poupon Place.

I pity our poor local sunflowers. It’s been their show for years. Lighting up the coast like a beacon of renewal. Only now when you see a field in the distance, you roll up on it, and Jesus, Mother and Joseph it’s another mustard patch. Ever try to walk through one of those gauntlets? It’s like Hong Kong at rush hour. It’s so bad in Laguna Niguel you can’t tell one subdivision from another.

The reason for their unstoppable propagation is because most native plants rely on a soil compound called mycorrhizal fungi to provide nutrients, water, and other chemicals, and this crucial fungi is lost when soil is degraded from development, runoff, fires and clearing. Turns out the resilient mustard does just fine without it, and why it’s among the first to grow in areas after a catastrophe. So if anything is to blame for this scourge, its rampant overdevelopment.

It’s almost heresy for me to condemn that most sacred of deli condiments, that goes so good with pastrami on rye. But on aesthetic grounds, mustard and sunflowers are worlds apart. First there’s the color. Mustard is fluorescent and almost artificially bright. But the sunflower, oh the sunflower. What a delight of warm glow, soft yellow optimism. With open, inviting pedals, graciously sharing the earth’s nutrients with other native species around it. Creating spontaneous color palettes that would make Monet swoon, with purple lupine, orange poppies, red lemonade berry, white yarrow, blue dicks and pink prickly pears. And if you’re lucky, you may find that most cosmic of plants, the rare Laguna Beach Live Forever. Found only on our coast and usually on a steep pitch, this yellow flower springs from a long stalk attached to a multi-hued succulent of perfect pastels that has the sacred geometry of a lotus flower. That says something about us, because, according to Wikipedia, “ In Buddhist symbolism the lotus is symbolic of purity of the body, speech, and mind as while rooted in mud, its flowers blossom on long stalks as if floating above the muddy waters of attachment and desire.” I mention this because, in the midst of “flag-gate,” we have once again pitted our residents against one another in violent rhetoric, goaded by members of our City Council and the national media, who distorted it into righteous click bait and dog whistle politics, a left against right narrative, patriots against haters,

Never Trumpers against what Michele Bachman called the most biblical president ever. It’s ugly and divisive and speaks to an alarming disorder in our collective psyches. So here’s my remedy. Everyone needs to get out in our open space, breathe, and just be mindful of how lucky we are to be living here, in this moment. Witness the explosion of colors, smells and insects that the heavenly rains have wrought. Walking in nature is associated with higher levels neurosteroid dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA), which contributes to cognitive performance. Natural environments promote positive emotions, which contributes to heightened physical and mental energy. So nature is good for your brain, not to mention your heart, lungs and legs. The Japanese call it Forest Bathing. They have codified the practice with a prescription for how much time to spend in nature to promote wellbeing. And if you are a student of the Buddhist philosopher Thich Nhat Hanh, you know that walking in and of itself can be a deep, meditative practice. We need some healing, folks. Tolerance is what Laguna is supposed to stand for. That’s why, instead of the nice but generic new police service statement, “Serving our community with price and integrity,” how about “Floating above the muddy waters of attachment and desire.” Just kidding folks. Hold the letters. In the meantime, you can either get out in nature and “biophiliate,” or stay online and fulminate over matters of little real consequence that will keep you firmly planted in the weeds.